Did you know that ladies and sometimes men have something called a security gland? You won’t find this body part in an edition of Grey’s Anatomy, but I know the gland exists because I have seen the symptoms first hand.
The security gland can cause painful symptoms when a person’s security is threatened. The symptoms vary person to person. Symptoms of a security gland going berserk may include nausea, headaches, tight shoulder and neck muscles, frowning, furrowed brows, nagging, canker sores, crying, depression, isolation, cloudy thinking process, over eating, loss of hunger, fear, tension in a marriage, and vomiting.
These symptoms arise when the security gland starts sending alert messages to the brain saying, “Red alert! Red alert! Something isn’t right! Something bad might happen! Brain, please notify the rest of the body that it is time to freak out and worry!” These alerts are often be caused by financial problems, because financial problems can directly affect someone’s ability to feel secure.
Why My Security Gland Went Berserk
My own security gland was very active at the end of February. Our mortgage has been in a loan modification process since last October. Over the last few months we have not been able to pay our monthly mortgage payments. We have been waiting for the results from the loan modification program. Our mortgage was sold to a new company at the end of 2012. We were a little short to pay the required amount in full in January. Now we have all the money to catch up on our mortgage, but paying the amount in full will cancel out any deal we would get from the loan modification. The problem is that we are now 6 months behind on the mortgage. Being late on the mortgage sends my security gland in overdrive. I immediately begin thinking of foreclosure even though we have the balance sitting in the bank.
I think about how embarrassing it would be if our house got foreclosed on when we write about finances on this blog and lead FPU! I now know that foreclosure is not going to be a reality. I had to deal with my security gland freaking out, because it was making me physically ill, depressed and I didn’t want to be around people.
Here are five ways that I dealt with my overactive security gland.
1. Ask God for help
My prayers were simple. “God, please help me overcome this depression and help figure out what it is.” “Please give us direction on whether or not we should pay in full or what for the modification results.” I have faith that God will work things out, but sometimes it is difficult to believe it when your cloudy thinking is getting the best of you.
2. Tell your spouse what is happening
I might know when something is wrong, but Daniel can’t read my mind. Also, in the midst of working many hours and being a daddy to three children he doesn’t have brain space to pick up any subtle clues from me, so I have to be direct and tell him. I told him what I was feeling and that I didn’t know why I was feeling that way, but that I was trying to figure out.
I also feel like I need to alert him of my symptoms in case I pass out or get really sick, then he would have something to tell the doctors. The security gland makes you think the craziest thoughts.
3. Get the facts
The security gland doesn’t need all the facts to freak out. Just one piece of information (you are now 6 months behind!) can send your body into a panic
Daniel called the mortgage company the last day of February to get some more information. There are no signs that a foreclosure is in process. There is no sell date listed in their system and we have not received a letter from the company or a lawyer saying that one is taking place. Also, Daniel was able to confirm that if we paid in full right now, then the modification would go away. We will hear back from the underwriter some time in the next few weeks.
4. Ask friends for prayer
When you are feeling low and embarrassed the last thing you want to do is tell your friends that you are afraid of losing your home. I didn’t want to tell my friends. I would rather wait it out on my own and then tell the victory story later.
I told one friend the week before I was properly freaking out and I knew she was praying. Then the next week I was texting with my friend Barb about the mortgage stuff. It was Barb who pointed out that my physical symptoms were the direct result my security gland going berserk over the house stuff. I was so happy to have an answer! It made sense. I was also glad that she validated my concerns and that I wasn’t completely off my rocker.
5. Trust my husband’s decision
Daniel and I prayed for direction and talked with the mortgage company. He listened to my concerns and my thoughts. In the end I have to trust Daniel’s decision, because he is in charge of our house and accountable to God for his leadership. I am glad that it does rest on his shoulders and not mine. He wants to wait to see the outcome of the assistance process, so I agreed to wait. Since then I just had to put the house stuff out of mind and move on with the rest of my life.
I thought it would be interesting to see what Daniel had to say about dealing with a wife whose security gland is in overdrive. Here is what he has to say on the matter.
Amanda and I have been married for almost a decade so I know when she is feeling sad or disillusioned it takes something significant to bring her spirit down. That’s what happened recently with this mortgage saga.
I’ve been the one working on the situation with our mortgage company so I know all of the details. It’s been a slow, arduous process working by email, phone, fax and FedEx. Amanda hasn’t been on any of the calls so she only knows what I tell her. If I don’t take the time to relay all the information and that leaves her with only part of the picture and that can be distressing.
When she told me in FPU parlance that her security gland was going nuts and then asked me if I thought she was crazy we sat down and had a long talk. We prayed together and I shared everything I knew and told her that I would call for an update the next day. The next day I got all of the details and we both prayed about a course of action that we could agree on and were comfortable with.
Based on the information we have we decided to let the assistance process take its course and then see what options we have. We aren’t sure why the process takes so long, but we are patiently waiting for it to be resolved.
Here are my responses to how to work with a spouse who has a security gland going berserk:
1. Listen to her
It wouldn’t do either of us any good if I were to brush her off when she asked to know what is going on. I took the time to listen, waited until she was done, thanked her for sharing, and then I shared all that I know. This way we were both on the same page.
2. Acknowledge her feelings are valid
If you’ve been married for half a minute you know that men and women are different. When she asked me if I thought she was crazy for reacting the way she did I said no and added that her feelings are totally understandable and valid.
3. Work together
In the end the only thing that I was able to assure Amanda of was that I am praying for and trying to act with wisdom. I asked her to pray with me for direction then moved in the direction we agree on.
Thank you Daniel for writing your thoughts and not thinking I am crazy. The security gland is real and can cause a lot of physical and emotional pain when it isn’t treated with prayer and a caring spouse.
Have you ever freaked out over finances when your security how been threatened? How did you deal with it?